The Wonderful Wizard of Oda
by Alastair
Summary: Sanji wants a brain, Franky wants a heart, and Usopp wants courage, but Nami and Luffy just want to go home. Can the Good Witch, Robin, help them, or is the Yellow Line too dangerous to navigate? Watch out for Flying Reindeer! … And where’s Zoro? LxN
1. Cyclones and Witches

**The Wonderful Wizard of Oda**

_OR_

**In Which Alastair Loses All Respect and Credibility as an Author**

_Cyclones and Witches_

Grinning, he palmed the mandarin orange happily. Luffy tossed it up and down in the air before he started to peel it, sitting cross-legged where he had just committed one of his most heinous of crimes. It seemed that he had not expected to be caught in the act, and he didn't seem to pay any mind to the shadow looming over him.

Nami bared her fangs, and said, "So, I see that you're hungry, Luffy."

He froze, his eyes bulging before he shoved the newly peeled orange into his mouth, and swallowed it, "Ah, nope!"

"Nice try," she said, pointing to the leftover peels right in front of him – she didn't even bother to tell him his fingers were slightly orange and sticky with some juice.

Waving a sticky hand, Luffy said, "That wasn't me!"

"Who else is here to-?" She stopped herself when the _Thousand Sunny_ lurched, and she stumbled a few steps before she fell completely into the grass.

After _Sunny _was no longer rocking as harshly, she stood, straightening her clothes a bit – a ruffled blue-checkered skirt with a white blouse – before she went across the deck with Luffy close behind. Nami barely registered that it was a cyclone beside their ship before they were sucked up with a pull that knocked her head against Luffy's own.

!#$&()+

Luffy blinked up at the sky, squinting at how bright everything was before he sat up with a lurch, and searched for Nami, recalling the cyclone with abrupt clarity.

"Nami! Oi, Nami!"

When he got up, he noticed with a frown that _Sunny_ wasn't rocking with the lull of the ocean waves, and he found himself going to the railing instead to look out. He blinked, and then rubbed his eyes before he looked again.

Deciding that _Sunny_ sitting on land instead of in the water wasn't too big of a concern of his at the moment, he ran across the deck, glancing around for any of his friends. Spotting Nami's form on the deck near the door that led into the cabin area, he knelt at her side, and checked her briefly for injuries before gently shaking her shoulders, "Nami?"

Her eyes opened almost immediately, and he relaxed when she sat up tiredly, and said, "Luffy …? Ah! Luffy, there's a cyclone!"

"It's gone," he said.

Almost not comprehending, she stared at him for a moment before she glanced about, and said, "It is? But … Wait, where is everyone? Are they okay?"

"I didn't see them on deck," he said before he got up to go down into the cabin to search. Not more than a minute later, he heard Nami shriek, so he ran back only to see her gaping over the rail.

When he came up, she turned to him, pointing out at the land, "When the hell did we land on an island!? The ship better be okay or Franky will pitch a fit." She paused in her tirade long enough to catch her breath, and she then stamped her foot, "And where the hell are we!?"

The ship shook then, making Nami scream in surprise before she clutched at the railing to steady herself. As _Sunny_ started moving toward the shore, Luffy looked over the railing only to smile widely.

"Wow! Nami, Nami! It's a giant!"

Indeed, for while the navigator had been ranting, neither of the two had seemed to take note of the colossal man that had been standing beside the _Thousand Sunny _– he had been completely still until he had elected to pick it up.

The giant smiled at the two, his huge voice booming as he said, "Greetings, little people!"

"Do – Dorry!?" Nami regained her mental equilibrium, and pointed up at the familiar face – though devoid of his helmet and armor. "Are we on Little Garden? How could a cyclone toss us all the way back here?"

"Ah?" He scratched his head before he sat cross-legged in front of the ocean, but did not yet settle the ship into the water. "Little Garden? Little lady, this isn't Little Garden."

"Then … did – did you win your battle? Is this Elbaf?"

Dorry laughed with a toss of his head, rocking the ship harshly while Nami clung to the rail and Luffy laughed with him. He said, "No, little lady. This isn't Elbaf or Little Garden at all. This place is called the Land of Munchkins."

She cast a deadpan look at the giant before she said, "You're kidding me."

Luffy only laughed, and patted her back, "He's funny, huh?"

"None of this is funny!"

"Relax," Dorry said, setting the ship into familiar, rocking waves. "This is a day to celebrate, little humans! You have destroyed the Wicked Witch of the East Blue that has reigned over our land for years."

"We did?" Nami looked past the giant to where they had landed before she blanched at the sight. "I … I see …"

Luffy grinned broadly, and said, "Ew! Ha ha! This is cool, giant-guy! Are we going to have a party now?"

"I wouldn't suggest acting so leisurely," someone said from the bow of the ship, and Luffy jerked his head toward the speaker before he was smiling wider.

"Robin!"

The woman smiled gently, and said, "So you know me. Though not of what you have just done. How interesting that is, young travelers."

"Eh …" Nami frowned, and crossed her arms before she said, "Luffy, I don't think we're on the Grand Line anymore."

"Huh? What do you mean? That's Robin, right?"

Dorry snorted, sounding slightly offended, "That's the Good Witch of the North Blue. You can't just call her by her name so familiarly."

"Sure, I can," he said. "Me and Robin are friends! Right, Robin?"

Robin tilted her head just slightly before her smile became more tender and amiable, and she said, "Perhaps in another time. In the meantime, however, it is a pleasure to meet you, but I come bearing bad news."

Puckering his lips, Luffy said, "Well, that's not very nice."

Making a smooth gesture to Nami's feet, the two looked down only to balk in surprise at the sight of glittering silver shoes on her feet. Robin said, "Those are the Silver Slippers of the Wicked Witch of the East Blue that you just killed. They are highly coveted by the Wicked Witch of the West Blue. Please, keep them safe until you reach the Emerald City."

Nami's eyes – having been sparkling in wonder at the magnificent glow of her shoes – diverted their attention to the Good Witch with a start of shock. She said, waving her hands in front of her chest, "Wait a minute. What's going on here? Why am I guarding silver footwear? And …" her eyes lit up again, "Wait! There's an Emerald City? You mean there's a city made of emeralds!?"

The Good Witch of the North Blue raised an eyebrow before she smiled in an understanding way, and said, "Ah, yes, yes. It's made of emeralds. Please, take the slippers to the Emerald City where the Wizard of Oda presides. He may help you both return home."

"Made of emeralds," Nami almost sang, and she took Luffy's hand with a bright smile for him. He had to avert his gaze so as not to become blinded by the golden berry signs in her eyes. "Let's have an adventure, Luffy!"

He cheered, always happy when she actually wanted to go out and do something with him, and he said, "Okay!"

"Beware though," Robin said. "The way to the Emerald City is fraught with danger and peril." She held out an Eternal Pose with 'Emerald City' written on it, and Nami took it. "The Yellow Line is not a route for any mortal to travel, and out there you will be subject to the Wicked Witch of the West Blue. The slippers you wear are powerful, and she wants to take them for her own devious ends. This journey is not for the weak of heart."

"Yeah, yeah," she said, "I'm sure. I think that Luffy and I will be fine though. We'll just be on our way now. Thanks for telling us about all the treasure that's here!"

"Treasure?"

Luffy stiffened in alarm when he heard the new voice, and his eyes become wide, appearing noticeably sick. He turned around to face the gorgeous woman standing behind them, and blanched in recognition. "Alvida!?"

As with Robin and Dorry, Alvida didn't seem to recognize either of them, but her eyes did light up at the sight of him – some idea between her and the other Alvida taking root. She said, winking coyly at him, "Oh, my. This is a treasure." She came forward, and Luffy stood between her and Nami protectively even when his stomach flopped objectionably. Touching his shoulder lightly, she trailed it down across his chest to his upper stomach, "What a fine specimen."

"Oi!" Nami slapped her hand away, and then shook her fist at the Wicked Witch. "Just what do you think you're doing? Who are you?"

"How rude! And … how could you …?" Alvida said, glaring down at her before her eyes seemed to catch sight of the silver slippers. "The slippers!" To Luffy's relief, she backed away considerably, "On you, they must be negating my powers." Her eyes began to glint, "I must have them. I'll get them … and your little man too!"

"Oi! Leave me out of this!"

With a short huff, Nami just wagged a finger at Alvida, "He's not my man, but he's not going anywhere either, so just back off, witch."

"Witch!?" She touched her cheek, "I am the most beautiful woman in all the seas! How dare you call me such a thing."

"Well," Nami said, tilting her head in confusion, "isn't that what you are?"

"I am no ordinary hag or witch, little girl. I am the Wicked Witch of the West Blue! Get it right next time."

Rolling her eyes, she took Luffy's arm, and said, "Whatever. I have some treasure hunting to do, so just keep out of our way."

"I can't do that if I want that man of yours or those Silver Slippers," she said, though she held herself back from attacking, obviously trying to figure out how to take both at that precise moment. Alvida didn't seem to have any exact plan however, and instead said, "I will have them – at any cost. Just you wait!"

The woman vanished in a flash of green smoke, and Nami and Luffy coughed harshly at the acrid smell. Waving his hand to get rid of the stench, Luffy looked at Robin, and said, "Can we leave now? One Alvida is enough for me."

!#$&()+

_I … I have no excuse other than that my rampant imagination has no limits. XP Please, please, please, forgive me, L. Frank Baum! Also, for anyone reading this to see if I'm (still) sane, I have not actually watched the movie in years and it's also been a long while since I read the book. As such, I can and __**will**__ warp stuff from here on in to suit the needs of the story._

_For fans of my work, this isn't a part of the _ALPTN_ arc at all. It's just for fun and … and whatever the hell else that I was thinking when I wrote it. :D It is an LxN romance though! Never fear!_

!#$&()+


	2. Straw Brains

**The Wonderful Wizard of Oda**

_OR_

**In Which Alastair Loses All Respect and Credibility as an Author**

_Straw Brains_

The Yellow Line, Nami began to realize, really was yellow.

At first, she had thought it was from the glitter of the sun which had been low on the horizon, but as sunset came and went, the water retained its golden hue. Lowering her head, she inspected the water. While her practical side wondered whether it would be safe to drink even if it was purified or whether it might be acidic, another part of her admired the lovely tint.

"Hey!"

Jumping, she turned to Luffy, and gaped at him appearing by her side. His grin crooked further upwards at her surprised face.

"Hey, Nami, let's play tag."

"Ah … Luffy, there's only two of us," she said with a little laugh.

"So?"

"So, it doesn't work that way," Nami said.

"Why not?"

She was about to open her mouth to explain before she stopped, glaring at him for even bothering to ask. She said instead, "You should know why."

"Oh," he said, "you think you'd be it all the time, huh?"

"What – no!" Nami rubbed her forehead, and said, "There's only two of us, and there's no point in playing tag with two people if all we're going to do is chase each other around the ship. I have to keep an eye on the log pose anyway."

Luffy pouted before he lit up again, and said, "Then let's play something else."

"Fine, we'll play 'watch the log pose.'"

"Aw, Nami, that's not a game," he said, and he waved toward the grassy deck. "We should-"

"No, Luffy."

"But-"

"I told you, no, already!"

Blinking, Luffy slowly lowered his upraised arm, and let it settle against his side before he crossed his arms behind his head. He said, "What're we going to do then?"

"I'm going to watch the log pose like I always do." After a moment, she smiled at him to get him to cheer up – as he seemed rather put out by her attitude – and she said, "Why don't you get ready to sleep or something. I'm sure there'll be lots to do tomorrow."

He scratched the side of his nose, frowning at her before he turned to leave, kicking his feet a bit. Nami watched him a while before she directed her attention back to the eternal pose, and attempted to appreciate the new quiet on an otherwise noisy vessel. However, she discovered that the lapping of the waves did nothing but agitate her, and she turned her thoughts to the slightly upset appearance of her captain instead.

It seemed that Luffy had realized it was much too silent long before she had, and Nami butted her head gently against the railing for punishment before she went down to the cabin in search of him.

She found him attempting to undo Sanji's long-wished for fridge lock, and she sat at the table to watch him.

He didn't look at her, but he said, "Oi, oi, where's the key to this thing?"

"I don't know," she said, and then her eyes widened in horror. "Oh, no! I don't know!"

Luffy spun around, smacking both hands on the tabletop, "What!? You don't!? Nami, how're we supposed to eat anything if it's all locked up?"

"Nnh." Nami held her head for a moment, bending it to think to herself before she said, "We should be fine. We can go fishing tomorrow, and if we come across any islands, we'll just stop for food." For good measure, since Luffy was beginning to look excited, she shook her finger at him, "And we aren't going to have any adventures. We're trying to get back to the Grand Line."

"We're already having an adventure though, right?" He tilted his head, watching her intently, and she blinked a few times at his nearly serious disposition. Luffy said, "This is yours and my adventure together. We're going back, but we're getting some treasure for you too!"

Smiling lightly, she nodded, "Yeah … that's right. But nothing else! Getting back to the Grand Line, and finding _my_ treasure is all we're going to do on our adventure. Got it?"

"Got it," he said.

"Good boy," she said, and she reached over to yank on his cheek fondly.

Luffy's cheek didn't stretch, and he pulled back his head with a jerk, "Ow! Hey, that hurt!"

Blinking, she pulled her hand back before she nearly jumped over the table to touch his face. Stunned by this odd turn of events, he tried to back away from her outreaching hands, but Luffy flopped onto the kitchen floor when she kept coming forward. She said, "Just hold still a minute!"

"What? Oi, Nami! Why're you touching me?" She watched him swallow dryly as she climbed over the table to straddle his chest. Nami put her hand on his cheek, pursing her lips in concentration before she pulled her hand away slowly.

"Luffy, you don't feel like rubber," she said.

He stared at her, seeming to not understand what she was getting at, and then he said, "But I _am_ rubber."

"No," she said, and she tried to yank on his cheek to stretch it out a foot like she would sometimes do.

He smacked her hand away, "Oi!"

"See! You're not stretching anymore!" The corners of his lips twitched up. Nami frowned, and was about to yank on his nose before she remembered herself and only pinched it, "What are you so happy about? Your powers are all gone."

"Let's go swimming."

"What?"

Pulling on her arms, Luffy stood, and lead her outside, "Come on!"

"Luffy! What about your Devil Fruit curse!? You can't swim; you'll just drown!"

Then he smiled at her, and her breath caught in astonishment at the pure joy in his eyes. He said, "Just hold onto me."

Nodding without even thinking about it, she grabbed his hand to squeeze it, and let him lead her up to the railing. She kicked off her Silver Shoes, but then blinked when the texture of his skin changed, so she tugged at his arm only to gape as it stretched out like it normally did. The beautiful witch's words came to her mind then, and she said, "Wait, Luffy. I think it's the shoes."

"Huh?"

"Remember what that Witch of the West Blue said? She said I negated her powers, and since you know her …"

"In our world, she ate the Sube Sube Fruit. That means she's super smooth, and nothing can hit her! … You hit her though, huh?" He looked down at the Silver Shoes, and scratched his head, "So you have to keep the Mystery Shoes on for me to not be rubber?"

"I think so," she said, slipping back into them.

"Oh, okay, wait here!" He grinned, and ran over to the storage room before he returned with some kind of plastic bags, "Put these on, and then we can go for a swim!"

Smiling at the actual consideration he gave to her new footwear, she nodded, and sat down on the deck to wrap the plastic around her shoes and feet while he ran off to put down the anchor for the night. After he had set it in place, he came back in time take her hand when she was standing. Without any warning or hesitation, Luffy scooped her into his arms, and leapt over the railing.

She went down with a shriek and a swap at his head just before they hit the water's surface. On instinct, she clung to his body so that he would not sink, but she discovered that he was naturally bobbing up and down along with her instead of immediately sinking below. When she resurfaced, he came up easily, beaming at her, and spitting water out to the side. Experimenting, he waved the arm that she wasn't holding, and then kicked his feet about, barely taking note of his sandals which had slipped off, and floated to the surface.

So enthralled with the fact that he could move in the water, she could only cling to his arm, kicking her feet to keep afloat with him. After a moment, his furious kicking started to hit her, and she puffed out an annoyed sigh, "Luffy, you can't kick that much when you're just staying in one place."

He only wriggled more, excited, and beaming pure sunshine at her. He said, "Let's move around then!"

"Okay, okay," she said, making sure to keep her grip on his arm intact as she gradually moved away from him in the water.

Luffy panicked, "Oi, oi! What're you doing?"

Pulling himself back to her, their wet bodies collided, and she glared at him, "You're fine, remember?"

"I still can't swim though!"

"That was just because of the Devil Fruit, Luffy. You're fine now."

"No, Nami," he said, shaking his head repeatedly and with fervor. "I never learned to swim at all! I was nicknamed Anchor at home."

She blinked, and said, "Anchor?" Covering her mouth with a hand, she smiled, but it obviously showed in her eyes for he grimaced, and poked her forehead with an "Oi." She said, "Oh, that's so sad, but it's adorable!"

"No, it's not!" He slapped the water, still pouting as she began to giggle, "That jerk Shanks!"

"Hm? Shanks?"

"He's the one that started it up!" He said, leaning in close to garner her attention as if he hadn't had enough of it, "He was always making fun of me, and tricking me to act more like a kid …"

"But you were a kid, right?" She said, and then she laughed, "You still are pretty much a kid though."

Luffy said, seeming to fall into some kind of routine he had done with Shanks in the past, "I'm not a kid anymore; I'm a man!"

A man, she finally realized, that was drenched, and pressed flush against her form which was just as wet, and showing through her white blouse. Swallowing hard, she brought an arm to cover over her chest on reflex, backing up in the water, and thus releasing him from her hold, and he went down like a rock.

"Ah! Luffy!" Calling herself a fool, Nami ducked down into the water to quickly retrieve him, helping to pull him to the surface as he kicked – able to move again with her touch.

"Oi, Nami, what was that for!?" He said as soon as they were up, and then he coughed up some partially inhaled seawater.

She said, "Sorry, I just thought …"

Luffy looked up at her when she didn't continue, and he didn't seem to comprehend her dilemma until she blushed. Glancing down, he laughed, and then said, "Come on, let's go up now. Moving in the water's hard!"

!#$&()+

Cocking his head to the side, Luffy grinned at the island that was in view, and he glanced at Nami when she seemed excited about it as well. They had both managed a breakfast that morning with some stored goods, but Nami had charged him heavily for his large breakfast, and he wanted to get back to not having to pay for all of his meals. Once they obtained some more food, he would try to roast something on his own.

Putting down the anchor, the two brought out the _Mini-Merry_ with some glee, and headed out to the island, moving up a river mouth to dock it. She shoved two baskets into his arms while she shouldered one of her own.

"Don't get out of my sight, okay? We're getting food, and then we're getting the hell out of here, and back to _Sunny_."

He nodded, not really paying her any attention, and studying their surroundings. After he dropped the anchor into the river, the two jumped out onto land, and began walking. The island that they had happened upon was all golden fields and green pastures, and they crossed over a country road that Nami wanted to walk down, so Luffy followed her. When they began to realize that food might be a little harder to collect than on some lush jungle island, Luffy spotted corn.

"Oi, look!" Slinging the baskets behind his back, he took to a run down the road, and waved at Nami to get her going as well.

"Ah! Luffy, slow down!"

"Food! Food, food, food, food, food!" He slid to a stop in front of the rows of corn, and almost drooled, promising himself that he'd find at least two dozen chickens to eat along with the corn. Jumping over the fence, he was a few steps in before he thought that he heard something.

"Oi, oi."

He frowned, and glanced about, "Nami?" Luffy looked over the fence and down the road to see that she was still running after him.

"No, over here! Get me down, you shitty bastard."

Beaming with delight, he pushed through the corn rows until he came across a familiar looking face, and said, "Sanji!"

"Huh?" Nami finally entered the rows of corn, and said, "Luffy? Did you find Sanji-kun?"

"Yeah, yeah!" He waved to her so that she could see him through the corn, and once she saw him, Nami approached them. Turning back to the aggravated man, he said with a toothy grin, "Sanji, you can come with us to cook again! And do you know where the key to the fridge is? It's got all our meat in it."

"Ah …" she smiled behind her hand to stifle some laughter, and said, "That's … a scarecrow. It's not Sanji-kun."

"Hmm? But he was just talking to me."

"Scarecrows don't talk!"

"Only because I have been stunned into silence by your sheer beauty, mademoiselle!"

Nami's jaw dropped, and she gaped while Luffy laughed, patting her back with a solid hand, "No … no way! Is that you, Sanji-kun?"

"Call me by whatever name you so desire! I shall call you the vision of perfection!"

"Yeah, it's Sanji-kun."

Set upon a pole poking out from the earth, and held suspended within the air next to all the corn was a scarecrow. His face was painted with expert hand with a meticulous swirled eyebrow, and straw-hair fell over the left side of his face in a stylish manner. While his clothes were rather dirty and a bit faded, it didn't detract from the fact that they must have been fashionable – a striped blue shirt, a black tie and pair of slacks. His black boots seemed to have been tied on, however, and he did not swing with the stalks of corn in the wind.

Luffy said, "See, I told you! It's Sanji! He'll be able to cook for us now."

"Sure, whatever," he said. "Just let me down from here. I can't do it by myself."

Smiling lightly, Nami reached up to hoist his shoulders up, and put him onto his feet after a surprised grunt. After he was down, he went onto his knees, and began the usual serenade of their actual cook, and she said, "Wow, you're pretty heavy for being made out of straw."

"Indeed, fair one," he said, and he rose to stand tall, lifting a leg to gesture to his shoes. "My shoes were weighted by the farmer that made me so I wouldn't blow in the wind and lose any of my straw."

"Cool!"

"So how'd you get up on there, Sanji-kun?"

Sanji smiled at her, and Luffy pumped his fist happily when he realized that his mouth was actually just painted on, but it moved all on its own. He said, "I'm glad you asked, mademoiselle! When I was just being stuffed with straw, I became aware, and started to think and feel. Upon the touch of paint to my face, and my eyes were drawn, I saw up at the faces of the most peculiar men! Though they were the first creatures I had ever laid eyes on, I knew beauty, and they were not it – not it! I could not cry out in horror, however, until they painted on my face, but even if there had been a mouth to my name at the time, I wouldn't have known what to use it for."

Nami said, "Your _eyes_?"

Hesitating for only a moment, he then lifted up the flap of straw-hair to show that his other eye – while still the exact same as the one beside it – had been painted much smaller, and thus gave him a lopsided appearance. After dropping his straw-hair because of Luffy's sniggers, he said, "What hacks! They ruined what could have been an otherwise perfect face!"

"Oh, Sanji-kun," she said, attempting to make her smile not look so amused, "you look fine. That's how your hair always is anyway."

"Yes," he said, "I thought it might be a good idea, but I don't want to hide my face …" Touching the left side of his face, Sanji said, "If only I had the brains to think of a better idea! I wouldn't have to hide my face from the world if I figure out how to fix my terrible eye."

Nami blinked, "A brain?"

"Of course," he said, tapping his head, "I'm full of straw. I wasn't created with a brain at all. Thus I am ever the fool."

"Oooh, Sanji!" Luffy patted his shoulder, and said, "Maybe the wizard-guy could help you!"

"Hmm?"

Rolling her eyes, she said, "Luffy, the Wonderful Wizard of Oda can't just give people _brains_. That's completely ridiculous."

"But if he can find the way back to the Grand Line maybe he can give Sanji a brain," he said. "It's worth a shot."

"If I am given the chance to travel with you – the most stunning visage of my life – then I would be eternally grateful! To find myself a brain and to be with you would fill me with utter and complete joy!"

Glancing back and forth between the two men, Nami deflated with a sigh, and said, "Fine! I'd like someone to cook for us anyway." Shoving her basket into Sanji's arms, she said, "Fill'er up!"

!#$&()+

_And thus, Sanji joined them … Or something. –nod nod- I'll try to see if I can fit in both Franky and Usopp into the next chapter! Unless some more Naffy bonding occurs to me – which is very likely once Franky is in the picture._

**Solo Loco Ellingson-Rose: **_Blasphemy! … And it's not LuNa, it's Naffy! XP I'm glad that you still want to read the story despite any Naffy-ness in the future though! Thanks for reviewing!_

**catho: **_:D I hope that you enjoy this chapter too! Thanks for the review!_

**Rakara: **_Zolo's position is an especially guarded secret! You shall be amazed! I think. Thanks for the review!_

**Sonicmario: **_It's only the first chapter! How would you know!? Heh. :D Thanks for reviewing!_

**Nuit Fleur: **_XP Well, I would hope __**so**__! Thanks for reviewing!_

**Midori Blue: **_Oh, awesome! Thanks for reviewing!_

**CSI Kaizoku: **_XP I was halfway through writing that scene when I remembered that they were in Munchkinland. Dorry was already in there, but that just made it all the more better. Thanks for the review!_

**wheathermangohanssj4: **_Because it just doesn't fits in the storyline. –has no real excuse- Actually, I wanted to play with more ideas on how Luffy and Nami could get together. Thanks for reviewing!_

**Nehszriah: **_Oh, I know. :D But honestly, who'd have ever thought of something like this …? Thanks for the review!_

**Sheri-chan: **_Sheri! Aw, from the hooooooorse! XP I'm looking forward to more of your reviews, so thanks for this one!_

**iluvchocs: **_XP Indeed! Really, there's no other way to get that girl interested in an adventure other than the promise of jewels, I think … and bare-chested Luffy. Because let's face it … hee … -gets shot-_

**Irenukia: **_-pumps fist- Okay! That's the type of exuberance that I love! Thanks for the review!_

!#$&()+


	3. Iron Heart

**The Wonderful Wizard of Oda**

_OR_

**In Which Alastair Loses All Respect and Credibility as an Author**

_Iron Heart_

As it turned out, Sanji did _not_ know where the key to the fridge was located. He was also afraid of the stove and the oven, fearing that his straw might burst into flames, so Luffy had to come help him with the food whenever heat was involved – _"for dearest Nami-swan should never lift a finger for fear of harming herself!"_ Yet, with the fridge still locked tight, there was not much that the scarecrow turned cook could make, but Luffy made sure to keep the ship stocked with all of the fish that he could catch for them – though the straw-Sanji didn't seem to eat at all.

The first night after dinner, Nami had said, "Sanji-kun, this is delicious. Why aren't you eating any?"

"Eat? Me?" He smiled warmly, and said, "Nami-san, I am just straw. If I should try to eat anything, my body's shape would become bulbous and awkward. Where would all of my straw go?" He pointed at his face, "And besides, my mouth is only painted on."

Luffy grinned as he watched Nami's eyebrow twitch. He said, "Ne, Nami, we could paint more faces on him!"

"No way!" They both shouted at him, and he shrank away with a pout.

"Well then," he said, "let's go swim again."

When he smiled so hopefully at her, he saw her lips relax, something in her eyes diminishing before she stood, and she said, "Let me get changed into a swim suit first. You almost ruined my clothes with that last stunt of yours."

Sanji spun about in place, and nearly crowed with delight, "Ah! Nami-swan, you tease me so! Whatever you may wear must be grand!" When she only smiled coyly at them, and then left, Sanji bent down to say to Luffy, "What's a swim suit?"

"This tiny piece of cloth," he said, and Sanji spun like a tornado around him. Quite used to it except for the errant pieces of straw falling out, Luffy just smiled, and said, "I don't get it though. She didn't like it when we went swimming last time, but she was wearing more then. Why would she want to go swimming wearing _less_?"

The scarecrow didn't seem capable of answering him, and so Luffy scratched his head a bit longer before he figured that he shouldn't care about what she wore as long as she was comfortable. Thinking such, he went up to the deck to put down the anchor so they could swim around _Sunny_, and then took off his shirt to lay it over the banister. After he handed his straw hat to Sanji for safe-keeping, Nami came onto the deck in a bright red bikini with her Mystery Shoes covered in plastic. Bounding to his feet, he took her hand while Sanji seemed to melt, and he crooned in several different dialects of baby-talk and gibberish. Luffy picked her up, about to leap into the water, but he noticed that Sanji's expression had changed.

"It's a shame that I can't join you, Nami-san, but I don't think my straw would hold together in water."

"You can just watch us, Sanji-kun," she said, and then she winked, waving a fine leg at him from in Luffy's arms.

"Yes, Nami-swan!"

Luffy laughed, and said, "Okay! Let's go!" Stepping up to the railing, he leapt over, and clung to Nami as he held his breath before they slapped into the water.

As they bobbed back up, he grinned, wrapping his arms around her to keep her securely against him. They stayed like that a moment to catch their breaths, and he then grinned toothily until she moved in just the slightest. Blood erupted from his nose, and he covered it quickly as she blushed hard.

She said, "Um …"

The fall to the water, having been rough enough of a landing, had pushed Nami's top over her breasts so that they were bare against his chest. Nami attempted to push him away, but he had enough sense to tighten his grip on her, and shook his head hard, nodding up to Sanji who was still watching the two. With one arm around his shoulders, she bit back a groan as she covered her heated face with her free hand.

Luffy knew exactly what their chests against each other were doing to _him_, but he could see quite plainly that Nami was discomfited. As much as he enjoyed how soft she was, he realized that she wouldn't take too kindly to his other reaction – should she take note of it.

Sanji said, "Oi, Luffy, why're you bleeding?"

"It's just a condition," Nami said, and he grinned at her when she continued, "he has to bend his head down so the blood goes out his nose, and close his eyes tight so the blood doesn't go out that way." She whispered as if he might have not understood that her lie had been an order, "Close your eyes or I'll rip your arms out." Louder, she said, "Sanji-kun, could you prepare some cocoa? It'll make him feel better when we come out."

"Yes, Nami-san!" And he twirled away.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Luffy waited while Nami backed up just a bit, allowing him to hold onto her shoulders while she adjusted her bikini top. When she touched his shoulder, and said, "Okay," he opened his eyes with a wide smile for her.

"You got me cocoa! Thanks, Nami." Briefly splashing water onto his face to wash the blood, he tilted his head, and said, "So are we going to swim this time?"

Raising a fine eyebrow at him, she giggled, and nodded before she carefully slid her hands down his arms and to his own hands before she separated a bit from him. He could feel the movement of the water surrounding their legs as she kicked, and he admired her fluid legs. The waves lapping their bodies, and the water swirling around their legs was strangely rhythmic and gentle. Her kicking instigated their gradual course around the _Thousand Sunny_, and for the first couple of meters, he allowed Nami to just tow him along after.

However, she kicked his leg with a frown for him before she continued to move them through the water. The kick had not been harsh or jarring, but a tender nudge against his thigh. Nami said, "Come on, you have to kick with me."

"I'm just getting a feel for it," he said, swirling his legs a bit in the water that she was churning. "I like how you feel."

Nami smacked him, beginning to kick him in a not so friendly manner, and, though the momentum was lost in the water, he managed to grasp hold of the notion that his navigator wasn't pleased with him – especially when she started using the heel of her Mystery Shoes.

She said, "What the hell's wrong with you? At first, I thought you were a gentleman about it, but you really just wanted to feel me up, didn't you!?"

"Huh!? Nami, I didn't mean _you_-you! I meant the water!"

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

Luffy did his best to avoid her persisting assaults as he said, "I like how you move in the water. It – it makes the water move too, and I like how _that_ feels!"

Her legs slowed, and she gaped at him as if he might have suddenly spoken poetry, "Say what now?"

Grinning when she ceased, he said, "When you move, the water does too!"

"Of course, it moves," she said. "If it didn't, we wouldn't be able to swim."

"So … water doesn't move for me?"

"Huh?"

Nami swam closer, moving her hands up his arms to grasp his shoulders instead. For a moment, he wondered why she didn't want to press against him to hide her nudity, but didn't care about the slip and slide of her hands on his skin or how her bikini showed so much more than some wet shirt.

He said, "When I'm normal … when you're not touching me, the water doesn't move for me, right? Since I'm not able to actually swim, I can't move it like it does for you …"

Nodding, Nami said, "That's right. You ate a Devil Fruit, so you're cursed, and you can't move in the water."

"I can move … a little bit … kind of," he scratched his upper lip, and smiled cheekily at her. "But what if it's the water that doesn't move? I can't move a lot, but I know that I can. It's like struggling against a wall or … I'm stuck in something solid." Kicking his legs to prove to himself that he could indeed move, he touched her forehead to his gently, and he watched her blush at his closeness, "So what's moving? Me or the sea?"

"You … like being able to feel the water move against you instead of dragging you down," she said, and he nodded.

"I've never felt it before … or, at least, I was never able to treasure it like this."

At this point, her entire face was cherry, and he touched her cheek gently to feel the warmth. Her lips parted, and she closed her eyes with a visible swallow which Luffy saw with the movement of her throat.

He said, and put his hand on her forehead, "Are you okay? You're all red, and I think you have a fever."

Punching him, she said, "Never mind, you jerk!"

!#$&()+

She stomped unhappily after Sanji and Luffy.

They had decided to stop at another island that they had come across en route to the City of Emeralds. This island, completely engulfed with forests, was similar to Sanji the Scarecrow's island in that it was difficult to find any food.

When the island had appeared on the horizon, Nami immediately ordered them to dock so that she wouldn't have to eat anymore sea monsters or fish – both of which she was quite sick of. The random mandarin orange here and there to placate her wasn't helping anymore, and if she didn't have a change in diet, she knew that she would tear out Sanji's straw, and then do some actual damage to Luffy – for his rubbery body usually blocked the worst of her onslaughts.

Not that she had beaten him since that night in the ocean.

Nami could have slapped herself for what she had almost done. Of course, she had known that Luffy hadn't been talking about anything except the sea, but the notion that, perhaps, he was talking to her had caused Nami to act like some foolish girl with a crush. The last few nights, he had asked to swim again, but she had flatly refused, not wanting another repeat of either night.

Each time, Luffy had revealed some previously unseen chivalrous traits, and she didn't want to delude herself by thinking that he had meant all of it just for her. After all, she had imagined that he had been subtly referring to her throughout his entire spiel of unmovable waters unless the two of them touched …

"Guh," she covered her beet red cheeks, pouting at his back. _Stupid Luffy! Making me think he might kiss me._

"_But what if it's the water that doesn't move?"_

Swallowing nothing, she glanced up at him again, _You __**are**__ the one that's making me think about kissing you … right? … Or is it just me?_

"Co …"

Nami blanched, and stopped walking, glancing around quickly, "What the …?"

"Ah? Nami?" She looked at Sanji and Luffy who had both stopped in the middle of the woods to walk back to her.

"Did you two say something?"

"No, why?"

"La …"

Bracing herself, she looked around again, "I heard it again. There's someone talking."

"I know," Luffy said, and she looked at him expectantly. "We're talking."

She stared at him with a deadpan expression until he whistled, and walked away quickly. Nami said, "Someone's here though!"

"Co …… la …"

With a sigh, she covered her eyes, nearly ashamed, and said, "… Franky? Franky, is that you?"

"Franky!?" Luffy turned back to search the woods in excitement, bounding over logs and around the trees, "Oi! Franky! Where'd you go?"

While Sanji watched on, following slowly in confusion, she ran after Luffy and toward the sound of Franky's voice. Seeing a house sitting in the woods, she took a quick glimpse of the surrounding forest before she grinned, heading toward a familiar stature.

"Co … la …" Franky said with his jaw obviously lodged in place, and only able to move his eyes to look at her pleadingly. "In … house …"

Smiling to placate him – but truly, the wicked gleam in her eyes terrified instead of consolidated him – she headed into the little house to find his Cola bottles. She made a face when she realized that his fridge had only Cola in it, but she grabbed a few bottles anyway to open, and take to him. She hesitated long enough to consider asking him to say 'please,' but thought better of it, and just upended the Cola into his mouth.

It was Franky's turn to make a face, but he seemed to appreciate the help all the same, and chugged it down like a pro.

As she aided the man in refueling, she inspected his changes. Here, it appeared that his body was made entirely of iron instead of solely his nose, but little else had changed. Nami supposed that – since he was iron – he didn't actually need to wear pants, but why he had decided to retain the brightly styled shirt and not a black Speedo, she didn't know or want to know.

In any case, however, she was glad that he didn't have anything down there since she had seen enough of Franky in Water 7.

"Luffy," she said when Franky gradually started to move his jaw and neck. "He's over here!"

Her captain popped out from the woods, a grin stretching beyond ear-to-ear, and clapped Franky's back with a hand, "Hey, Franky!"

"Ah? Little sprat, what's with your friendly attitude?" He said after a moment, and then he rotated his shoulders with a bit of effort. "Oi, little sister, could you get some more? I don't think I'm charged all the way. It'd be greatly appreciated."

"Sure," she said, going into the house to gather some more bottles. Counting up the Cola in her head, she considered all the bottles in the fridge, and then all the bottles that he likely had stashed and hidden from Luffy on _Sunny_. After a quick calculation, she nodded, satisfied that they might pull through just fine, and then brought out the bottles to the iron man.

When she came out, she discovered the two talking animatedly, and she caught the rest of what Franky was saying, "It's only been about a year, I think. No wonder that Cola's so stale. Yech! It's not so super, but once I dump out the fridge, I can head to the store to refill it."

Opening the bottles, Nami put it to Franky's mouth so he could drink, seeing as his arms didn't look quite up to par. She said, "So, let me guess. You ran out of fuel, and shut down right here."

After he finished the bottle, he nodded with a bit more surety, and said, "Yeah, I was just on my way back too." Wriggling his fingers, he grinned, and took a bottle himself to crack it open, and chugged it all down in what looked like three gulps, "Aah! That's much better! I'll be able to get some fresh Cola in no time."

"So …" she brightened, "there's a store near here?"

"Just down the road," he said. "I'll show you the way when I'm ready for walking."

Finally catching up – for Sanji hadn't seemed as excited about some man named Franky – he took one look at the iron man, and said, "What kind of freak is that?"

"Speak for yourself!"

"Well, what the hell kind of man is made of metal!?"

"I'm that kind of man," Franky said, and then rotated his shoulders again before he lifted a knee to test it, and then set it down to lift the other knee. "I wasn't always made of iron though."

"Hah?" Luffy leaned up on his toes, grinning up at him, and said, "What were you made of? Meat?"

"Luffy!"

"That's right!" Franky said, "I used to be flesh and blood just like you two before the … uh … accidents." He scratched his chin nervously – obviously some kind of built-in nervous habit which he stopped instantly when the metal against metal made a shrill scraping noise.

Nami said, "So what happened?"

"Some gorgeous witch broad cursed my axe a long time ago," he said. "I had a good life back then. I was the leader of a super crew of lumberjacks, and every day was super!"

"Super," she said with a raised brow.

Clearing his throat with a grin, he said, "I guess she got jealous though. She cursed my axe, one day, and I was just hacking away at some trees when I chopped off my arm." The three blanched, but Franky only shrugged, "Didn't matter to me really, so I built myself a new arm, and was back to work. Then I chopped off the other, and built a new one. It was about then that I figured it had something to do with the axe, but the witch broad kept cursing every axe I picked up, and, soon, all I had left of myself was my head."

"So," Luffy said when they all tilted their head in their inspection of his iron head, "what happened to your head?"

"I lopped it off too!" He said, laughing. "I was almost completely machine at that point though, so it didn't matter one bit! I made a new head, and kept working. Since I'm iron, I couldn't cut myself with my axe even if I tried."

"Wow!"

Franky patted the back of his neck then, frowning to himself a bit, "It's kind of a shame though. Sure, I'm made of iron, and I don't think I could ever die, but …" He touched his chest, looking down at it a little sadly, "I lost everything that made me a real man."

Luffy said, "Like your balls?"

"Yeah, like my – Shut the hell up!"

Pushing her captain's face out of the way, Nami said, "What do you mean, Franky?"

Standing taller, but with his head down, Franky punched his own iron chest with a loud clanging, "I have no brain or heart! Even though I'm alive, the Wicked Witch of the West Blue still won in the end."

"Eh? How could she win?"

He said, "I was standing there for a whole year … Think about it. Wouldn't someone have come looking for me if they had missed me? I got nothing anymore. At least, when I had my head, I had a little bit of sense, but when even that was gone … along with my heart … I lost my team. I was their leader – their big brother! But without the things that made me a real man, I forgot about them. I abandoned them and everything I loved."

"Well," Sanji said, "I'm coming with these two to get a brain from the Wonderful Wizard of Oda. You could get one too."

"No," he shook his head with a little creak. I was there for a whole year, and all I had to do was think. In that whole year, I realized that of everything that I don't have, I miss my heart the most."

"Maybe the wizard-guy could give you one," Luffy said.

"That's _absurd_," Nami said. "You guys are all so full of it. The only thing the wizard could help us with is finding the way back to the Grand Line! Nobody can give out brains and hearts to people." Without thinking, she jabbed her finger at Luffy's chest, "Hell, you don't have a heart or a brain either."

He blinked, staring at her impassively before he said, "We won't know until we try, Nami."

Flushing darkly at her impassioned slip, she said, "Fine, the moron can come with us. It's not like there aren't two guys already on the ship without hearts and brains."

"That's not true!" She glanced at Sanji when he knelt in front of her, and ripped open his shirt, causing her to gape at the heart painted in the middle of his cloth chest, "I have a heart, and it beats only for you!"

She almost slapped her forehead before she thought better of it, realizing that Sanji's head was in kicking reach, and acted upon it.

!#$&()+

_Well … Usopp didn't show up in this chapter like I thought he might, but that's okay since I got in a big heap of Naffy-ness that I didn't know I had in me. :D Everyone wins? Things might start to show some angst after this, but I'll keep Nami in control – or at least in as much control as anyone can get Nami in … I'll get her some pearls. XP Next up, Usopp __**will**__ make his appearance! Also … XP I shall refuse to answer to anyone guessing who the Wonderful Wizard of Oda is. Besides, who says it's even a dude?_

**Kurai Kaminari: **_Aw, thank you so much, and thanks for the review!_

**Rakara: **_XP I refuse to respond to that! Thanks for reviewing! … Naffy forever!_

**Midori Blue: **_Hee! Everyone seems so excited about Sanji. I'm glad you all think he's been characterized right. He's actually one of the easier characters to play with, I think … Thanks for reviewing!_

**Sheri-chan: **_XP Yeah, I thought it would be a cute idea. I'm glad everyone likes the non-DFied Luffy too! (XP … deified! Well, that's what it sounds like, ne?) Thanks for the review!_

**Nehszriah: **_Yay! I'm getting Sanji down! I was a little worried about all his odd speeches in that last chapter, but I suppose that if I was a scarecrow, and Nami was the first woman I'd ever seen too, then I'd … be much like him, ne? Thanks for reviewing!_

**Sonicmario: **_:D Oh, okay! That makes more sense. Not exactly as proud of _Scattering Nami's Joy_ as I am of all the others, and this story is turning out to be a lot of fun. Other couples, other couples … Hmmm … Maybe some FrankyxRobin. Franky's a stud, don't you know! And … well, I really like quite a few of the girls with Luffy, actually. I may even unveil … :D some very sinister-ish story later. Fuhahahaha! … Well, maybe anyway – I only have the couple in mind, and not any particular plot. Thanks for reviewing!_

**wheathermangohanssj4: **_XP Maybe! Also, Naffy is … kind of an inside-ish joke in the LuffyxNami community in LJ. I translated a doujinshi where Nami and Luffy's shadows mix, and Luffy names it 'Naffy.' It was priceless. And I was just joking with the Solo Loco guy, so no taking it seriously. Thanks for the review!_

**Kaiser Aldamon: **_XP I refuse to respond to that! Thanks for reviewing!_

**Irenukia: **

_P.S._

_It's my birthday today! _

!#$&()+


	4. Raw Courage

**The Wonderful Wizard of Oda**

_OR_

**In Which Alastair Loses All Respect and Credibility as an Author**

_Raw Courage_

He tried to smile at her, but she glowered, and stuck her nose into her book, looking up to glare at his grinning face so often that he was certain that she wasn't actually reading. Luffy scratched his head in confusion, watching her hide behind her upside-down book, and attempted to make sense of it. In his own honest opinion, he was innocent of whatever she was blaming him for, but Nami was still ignoring him.

Flopping onto the deck, he rolled onto his back, and continued to stare at her. She watched this, their eyes meeting and continuing to connect until her cheeks tinged into a new hue. Sitting up and turning around, he blinked at her and the pink in her cheeks before he leisurely grinned at her, and adjusted his hat. She hid behind her book. Luffy stood, smiling broader when she pressed the book closer to hide herself more as he approached.

A shout came from Franky at the helm, and they both looked at him, "Island ho!"

"An island!?" His lips stretched further in glee, and he ran past Franky to look over the figurehead, looking at the island's lush jungle and palms waving at them in the breeze. Taking a deep breath, he smiled at the sight, soaking it all in before he glanced at Nami when she joined them. He said, "Let's go!"

She stared at the island before she inspected him, and said, "Now just why would we get on that island?"

"Meat!"

"_And_ it's all green," Franky said. "Aren't we looking for the Emerald City?"

"The Emerald City's made of emeralds!" Lifting up the eternal pose, she said, "And the log pose isn't even pointing at this island. We don't have any reason to-"

"Oi, Franky! We're going in!"

"Aye, aye!"

Nami grabbed Luffy shirt, shaking him a bit, "You're not listening!"

Eyes dancing, he swept her into his arms, and spun in place, "Island! Island! Oi, Nami, it'll be fun. It's our Adventure in the Search of Meat!"

She wrapped her arms around his neck, dealing a flushed glare at him, "We're going to the Emerald City, Luffy."

"We need meat to get there though. The fridge is locked, remember?" He frowned at her as if she was going absolutely insane.

"I told you that we aren't having any more adventures other than going to the Emerald City."

Luffy grinned, twirling with her again, and said, "Getting there is part of the adventure, Nami! Our adventure." Watching her face darken, his lips grew horizontally in length, "It's not much of an adventure without any meat."

"Straw Hat's got a point," said Franky as he steered the ship closer to the isle. "He's eaten almost everything you took aboard _Sunny_. You guys need to restock again, little sister. Me and the scarecrow don't need to eat, but the two of you do."

"What? You ate everything again!?" Squirming in his arms, she pitched a little fit, appearing to grow fangs in her anger, "I told you that you're the one that needs a brain!"

!#$&()+

Luffy was almost disappointed that nothing had happened on their trip. Though he was happy that Nami appeared to be feeling better – she had even been smiling at him again. Letting the others walk ahead, he dropped back to stroll beside her, a basket strapped to the side opposite of her.

"Oi, Nami," he said, and she smiled. "When we get back, let's go swimming again."

That little smile disappeared, and he wondered at its passing, trying to read the odd hesitation and shyness in her eyes. He could see quite plainly that she liked him – or at least was starting to like him more than usual. It was all fine with him, but he was curious as to why she was reluctant to do anything other than blush. She said, "After what happened last time, I don't think we should be swimming."

"Mmm? Because your top almost came off?" Her cheeks became red, and he said, picking his nose, "It just happened once. You shouldn't wear that little bikini thing anyway."

Lifting up her chin, she said, "Why, is there something wrong with looking fabulous? You seemed to like it."

Switching his finger to the other nostril, Luffy said, "Yeah, but that was when it came off."

Nami punched him, and he went down hard. Nowhere near to being done, however, she went to her knees, and started to beat on top of his head, saying, "You great, big, insensitive jerk! You owe me big time for that, you hear me? One hundre-"

Not quite willing to lose any more money that he just didn't have, he reached up to grab her shoulder – causing the pause in her tirade – and then yanked her down to his bloody face, kissing her soundly. She wavered just long enough that he granted himself a smile, but it was short-lived for a heavy shoe slammed into his head.

"You shit for brains!"

"Ah! Sanji-kun!" Nami rose to go to him, touching his arm to soothe him, "It's all right. Be careful or you'll catch yourself on fire again."

"I can't help the burning passion of my heart!"

"Oh!" Luffy rolled onto his feet, grinning, and pumping his fists, "Do it again, Sanji! It was so cool!"

"Don't encourage him!"

Something roared.

With her own shriek, she clung to Sanji's arm, looking back and around the jungle. Sanji said, "Ah, Nami-san, you're so cute when you're frightened!"

"What the hell was that!?"

Adjusting his hat a bit, Luffy and Franky glanced toward where the sound had come from, and the rubber man stepped up when something charged with a mighty snarl. Nami screamed, but it was cut short when Luffy merely slammed his fist on top of the creature's head. The lion – for it was certainly a lion, though it was rather small with dark fur – slumped to the ground with a rumble. Leaning over it, Luffy then turned to the scarecrow.

"Can we eat it?"

The lion said, "No, we can't!"

Blinking, Luffy looked down at him again before he grinned widely, "Usopp?"

"Owie …"

!#$&()+

"What a headache," he said, slowly waking up, and looking miserably out at the jungle.

With Chopper gone, Nami had gone into the infirmary to get some bandages to wrap the bump on Usopp's head. While she wrapped him up, Luffy just grinned, and said, "Shishi! I clobbered you good, Usopp!"

"Hmm …?" Usopp blinked a few times before he seemed to realize what was happening and where he was. "What … why'd you take me here?"

"I'm wrapping up your head, you big dummy," she said. "Luffy knocked you out when you charged at us." He lowered his head, and Nami frowned at the bump and his curly mane, "Just what do you think you were doing out there anyway? That's no way to greet people … even if you are a lion." She scratched her head in a bit of embarrassment, not realizing until she had said it how weird it actually sounded.

"I was just … trying to be brave," he said.

Tilting her head, she walked around so that she was standing beside Luffy, and tried to look at Usopp's face better, "Shouting at people doesn't make you brave."

"I … I know that!" He stood up straight, pumping a fist into the air, "I know that it doesn't make me any braver, but it's all I can do! Since I'm a lion, all I have to do is roar and all the jungle trembles at the sound of my voice! Because I am a fierce predator, no one dares to stand against me for I am the great and powerful king of the jungle …!" Deflating, his arms hung by his sides, and he said in a more normal tone, "But that's not courage. It's all I really want – to have courage."

"Ask the wizard guy," Luffy said, and Nami shot him a whithering glare. "What?"

"First brains and hearts. Now courage?" She shook her head, "You can't just ask the wizard for all of these things. None of them make any sense anyway!"

"Well, we're asking to go back to the Grand Line. Why couldn't he give them what they want?"

"That's totally different," she said. "You can't just promise things to people if you can't give anything back."

Luffy asked, "Who says that I can't make that promise?"

"It's a silly promise to make! You don't even know if the Wizard of Oda will give them those things. Why bother at all?" She said.

"Because I'll be King of the Pirates," he said.

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

Turning to Usopp, Luffy patted his shoulder, "Don't worry, the wizard guy's going to help all of us."

Nami nearly cried, "And stop changing the subject!"

"Time to swim!" Luffy picked her, slinging her over his shoulder, and gathered the plastic that she used for her shoes before he struggled to put them onto her kicking feet.

"What!? Damn it, Luffy, I'm not swimming with you!"

"No, it's not! It's fun!"

"You're not listening to me!" Just grinning away, Luffy finally managed to secure the plastic wrapping before he leapt over the railing with her in his arms. When the water settled, he wrapped his arms more securely around her. She huffed, glared, and then gave him a good kick under the water. She said, "You're not getting any cocoa this time."

He said, "What if I get another nosebleed?"

Nami grabbed the back of his head, and shoved his face into the water, "And what makes you think you'll get the chance to have one!?"

!#$&()+

_Mmm … I think that I just wanted to introduce Usopp in this chapter. I apologize for it's brevity. So … has FanFiction Net been working oddly for any of you guys or am I just special? By the way … I think that I'm going to change my penname here to 'dirtmonkeyAL.' Just warning you in case I go through with it. I am still kind of attached to Alastair though …_

**dbzgtfan2004: **_:D Aw, thanks! And thanks for reviewing!_

**catho: **_It's just yellow water. –sees absolutly nothing wrong with this- ……… XP I think the story is about … halfway over? I'm not sure really … Thanks for the review!_

**Sonicmario: **_XP Indeed, it was fun – especially when it occurred to me. Aah … all the things I could have made Luffy do …! –gets shot- XP I refuse to respond to that! Thanks for reviewing!_

**Nehszriah: **_Thanks! And thank you for understanding – you know, that's part of what I like about most of the One Piece fans I've met. You're all really awesome no matter where you stand on how you view pairings. -salutes- I promise that I'll keep this as fun as possible! Thanks for reviewing!_

**Sheri-chan: **_Super! XP Aw, really? I thought that last one was a little on the lame side, but as long as you enjoy it, right? Thanks for the review!_

**Irenukia: **_Well, it's a pleasure to __**write**__ them in character. I like to think of what I write as … kind of fillers. There's no point in writing about what you love unless it really is what you love. I'm so sick of all the stories that I can't stand reading because the characterization is all wrong … I'm writing what I want to read! Thanks for the review!_

**Random Anonymous: **_Thanks! Indeed, especially since I'm probably going to follow along the book a bit more than with the movie. Ending-wise, I mean. Thanks for reviewing!_

**CSI Kaizoku: **_Pfff! XP Maybe. That line was actually a spur of the moment thing. I realized what Franky sounded like he was saying, so Luffy – in my head – popped up with that on his lips! Thanks for the review!_

**Kuu-sama: **_XP Thanks! And thanks for the review!_

**Kaori-chan2: **_Thanks so much! I always pictured Luffy as Toto – I'm still surprised that no one mentioned the line that Alvida said in the first chapter … :D Sanji fits as the scarecrow though – especially with the hair. –lame excuse- Actually, taking into the account that the Scarecrow was a lot smarter than he took himself to be, he suits Sanji very well. Sanji's a sort of strategist, yes? In _TheWonderful Wizard of Oz_, the Scarecrow was the same way, and when I remembered that, I __**had**__ to cast Sanji as him. Thanks for reviewing!_

**wheathermangohanssj4: **_XP It's Makino! That poor girl – everyone forgets her name …! But yes, indeed, there are a great many people I could use for Oz's counterpart. Thanks for reviewing!_

!#$&()+


	5. Haven't the Foggiest

**The Wonderful Wizard of Oda**

_OR_

**In Which Alastair Loses All Respect and Credibility as an Author**

_Haven't the Foggiest_

Damp, a little tired, and with a mug of ale in his hand, Luffy sat beside Usopp, clapping his hand on his back in greeting. He, Sanji and Franky had been lounging about on the deck while Luffy had dragged his navigator into the water. It was several minutes later that he realized they were watching him silently.

He blinked, glancing at them, and tilted his head, waiting awhile before he said, "What?"

Franky cocked his iron head, looking at him with one eye until he said, "You're pretty close to sister Nami, aren't you?"

"Mmm … yeah," he said. "I like her a lot."

"What!? Sweet and delicate Nami-san shouldn't even breathe the same air as you!"

"What …" Franky surged to his feet, covering his eyes with a bulky forearm, "What heart! Boldly proclaiming his passion with no worries about how others will see him. If I am so lucky, I wish that the wiz kid gives me half the heart that you have!"

"What!? You want half of my heart?"

"Ah …" He waved a hand, "No, no. That's not what I said." Sitting back down, he slapped his knees with a sharp clang of metal, and said, "I mean what's in your heart."

Luffy blinked, "My blood?"

Chopping his foot on top of his head, Sanji said, "You idiot!"

"He means," Usopp began, "what your heart is made of – the caliber and passion in your heart." He seemed to pause awhile before he shrugged with an embarrassed smile, "And the courage too. You're pretty brave to deal with that Nami girl – she's pretty scary."

"I love Nami-swan even when she's scary!"

Scratching his head, Luffy glanced between the three before he just grinned, "Yeah, but I still like her."

"Mmm, Nami-san's right though." Sanji said, "You don't have a lot of brains."

Usopp grinned, "He seemed to know how to cool her off by dragging her into the water though." He nudged Luffy's shoulder, and said, "That's pretty sly in my book, _and_ it's brave."

"With a great deal of heart!" Franky chimed in, raising his arms above his head to form the blue star painted on his great iron arms.

Blinking at them, Luffy glanced back and forth around the three before he scratched his head. He said with a pout, "I just wanted to go swimming with her, but she kept saying no."

"So …" Usopp sniggered, poking Luffy's shoulder, "are you going to tell her?"

"Tell her what?"

Franky plopped down on Luffy's other side, "That you like her!"

"I think she knows already."

"So? That doesn't mean that Nami-san knows for sure." Luffy looked at Sanji who looked like he was on the verge of bursting into flames again, "How dare you think of not giving Nami-san the happiness she might find in you! You either don't tell her, and regret it for the rest of your life, or tell her, and show her your true feelings. Love is always a hurricane! Brave the storm or be engulfed by it!"

Breaking into harsh sobs, Franky stood to join the straw chef, "You said it best! I love you guys – ow, yeah!"

"Luffy!" He glanced back to see a much less soggy Nami on the deck, and he smiled at her, "I'm done with the shower. It's all yours now."

Usopp crammed his elbow into Luffy's stomach this time, "Go tell her."

Pulling a face, he looked from the lion to the others with a narrowed eye before he got up to jog after Nami who was going to her room, "Oi, Nami, wait."

"Hm?" She turned around, and put her hands on her trim waist, where his eyes went to momentarily before they went back to her brown eyes. Starting to smile warmly, he crossed his arms, and braced his legs on the deck by spreading them to shoulder width.

Then he blinked, and tilted his head to look around her and at the fog into which they were rapidly moving, "Oi, what's that?"

!#$&()+

"Well, shit," Sanji said as he carefully laid Nami in her bed. He waved at the fog that had come down even into her room, and then went up to join Franky at the helm. "Do you see a way out yet?"

"Nothing," he said. "It's just us and the fog. You don't think this stuff's bad for them, do you?"

Sanji said, "As far as I can tell, they're breathing fine, but they don't wake up no matter what I do."

Scowling through the fog, he said, "All we can do is plow straight ahead … It's a good thing that we don't have to breathe at all."

"Indeed," said Sanji, looking at the mist blanketed over their surroundings. It took him a moment, but when he realized what was happening, his painted eye widened in slight alarm, "Are … we moving?"

"Nope," Franky said.

"What!? Why not?" He glanced down to where he could see the anchors, and then he raised a hand to see if his straws would bend in the breeze. There was a breeze, but _Sunny_'s anchor-paws were still in place, and the rocking of the waves did little to move the ship. Turning to face the iron man, he said, "Is … _Sunny_ asleep too?"

With a sigh, Franky decided to leave the helm to join his side, "That's what it looks like."

"Ships aren't supposed to fall asleep!"

"Well, this ship just did!"

"Shit! If we don't get _Sunny_ out of this fog, how're we supposed to wake them up?"

Franky scratched his nose with the creaking of metal, and said, "Hell if I know, but I can't swim for with an iron body, and you can't swim because your straw would scatter. Well … I probably can still swim, but I'd never be able to pull a ship after me."

"Are there any lifeboats on this ship? I didn't see any on the sides …"

"How should I know? I didn't build this ship!"

Slumping against the railing, Sanji sighed, looking out over the water and into the fog, "This is bad … if we can't move the ship, we can't get out, and if we can't get out, they won't wake up … My sweet Nami-swan will starve to death in silent slumbering agony! Oh, how my painted heart clenches in her same agony!"

The iron man sniffed momentarily before throwing his head back to cry, "I don't have a heart, but even a heartless man can feel this torture! My dear brothers and little sister …!"

_I can help._

Hearing the sound first, Sanji gazed out into the ocean a bit before he tilted his stuffed head, "Oi, Franky …"

"Bwuhahaha! Shut it! I ain't crying, jerk!"

"Oi! Shitty woodsman!"

_Please, I can help._

Pausing his tears, Franky blinked a few times ahead at nothing before he rose his head a bit more, "What the …? Just what was _that_?"

"You heard-?"

_Please. Let me help. I'll tow you out._

Running toward the starboard bow, Sanji looked out and around only to then see nothing, and then looked down. His eye widened, "Hm? Oi, Franky, there's a ship over here!"

"Hmm?" Franky looked over the railing, and raised his sunglasses to squint down, "Hey, down there! You say you're going to help?"

_Tie a rope to the stern, and I'll pull you along._

"That's a pretty small tub you got there. Are you sure you can do it?"

"_Merry_ can do it," a different voice said, and something finally moved on the ship. A man walked from the mast to the stern of the ship, shading his eyes to look up at them. "You better hurry or even _Merry_ and I won't get you out of here."

"Yeah? And who are you?"

"Roronoa Zoro, the Sleeping Swordsman," Zoro yawned widely then, and then waved the fog away from his face. "Since I'm always sleeping, this fog doesn't affect me much if I pass through it. You better hurry though. _Merry_ could fall asleep any moment."

"You …" Sanji gaped, and said, "you just have a bandana over your face, you halfwit! No wonder you're not asleep yet!"

Gripping one of the three blades at his waist, he said, "Shut it! I'm still your only way out of the fog!"

_I better lead, Zoro, or we'll be __**staying**__ in the fog._

"Yeah, yeah," he said, and then waved up at them. "Throw a rope down, and I'll tie you guys up to _Merry_! She'll get us out of here, no problem."

!#$&()+

Luffy blinked up at the ceiling of the men's bunker a few times before he sat up with a gasp. Glancing about quickly, he touched his head, and then his chest before he took a deep breath of fresh air. The air in the room still smelled a little like that fog had, but he wondered he could see none of it.

Standing, he went to get on the deck, looking around to see that Sanji was setting a table on the grassy deck, and he started to drool.

"Food!"

When he surged forward, Sanji lifted his leg so that Luffy's face would crash into the bottom of his foot.

"Wait for Nami-san to wake up!"

Blinking at Sanji for a moment, he then perked up, "I'll go see if she's awake." Running off before he could say otherwise, Luffy turned around to go to the women's room, and knelt beside the bed to smile at her sleeping face. He poked her, "Nami? Oi, Nami."

Eyes fluttering slightly, she stared at him before she groaned, and sat up. She said, "Good morning …?"

He grinned, hitting his knees, and said, "Great! You're awake now. Let's eat."

Laughing softly, she sat up to rub her tired eyes before she blinked, "Oh … Luffy, weren't we on the deck just now?"

"Hmm?" He stared at her, thinking back before he said, "Oh, yeah, we were. I was going to tell you something."

"How did we get here then?"

"I don't know," he said. "Doesn't matter though. I really like you."

"What do you mean it doesn't matter?" She sighed, touched her hair, and rose only to stop short in front of the door. Turning, Nami said, "Wait. What did you just say?"

Standing in front of her, he grinned, taking her wrists firmly, "I really, really like you."

Nami yanked her hands away immediately, "What!?"

Pouting, his cheeks bunched up, and he said, "I like you, Nami. That's what I was going to tell you."

"You …?" Facing away abruptly, she began anew with a more composed demeanor, "Of course, you do! We're friends" – she winked over her shoulder at him – "and I am beautiful young woman. I'm not surprised at all."

He leaned in, and kissed her cheek, "Great, let's go eat then."

When he was in the dining room, seated, and ready to eat, Nami had followed him up, stomping her feet and generally making some kind of sound – almost as if she was about to scream. Thus, when he was at the table, she reached over, and tugged at his cheek, pinching hard when his face didn't stretch due to her Mystery Shoes. She said, "What was that for?"

"Hey! What was _that_ for?" Pulling away from her grip, he rubbed his cheek.

"You …!" She seemed to notice the others staring at her, and she huffed before she continued in a quieter voice, "You just kissed me. Why?"

"Because I like you, remember?"

"That doesn't mean you can just …" she attempted to glare the others away, but it didn't work. Franky just gulped down his Cola, kicked back in a dining room chair as if watching some sort of theatrical act and Usopp looked between the two and his meal. Sanji just watched.

He said, "Why can't I?"

Shaking her head as if to regain her senses, she said, "No, no. You just can't. It doesn't work that way. I – I didn't even tell you if I liked you back."

"Well," he said, "it doesn't matter."

Her jaw would've hit the floor if she had eaten the Gomu Gomu no Fruit, "Of course, it matters! It always matters!"

He smiled at her with a mouthful of food before swallowing it, and then planted his hand on the top of her head, "If you hate me or if you like me back, it wouldn't change my feelings at all." Her cheeks darkened red, but it didn't look like she was going to smack him, so he continued, "So it doesn't matter, Nami."

!#$&()+

_Meh. Good enough place to end right there … :D Which kind of makes it a cliffhanger, but watch me not care._

**tkaa: **_Updated! XP_

**strawberryalchemist: **_I can call him whatever I may well please. Like grass-face, and seaweed-patch, and baby shit head, and the Thing. And if you haven't noticed, I'll be changing my Zolo's to Zoro's anyway – nothing you said, but now I just don't feel like typing out Zolo anymore. And …! Now you know who he is._

**cherrichik: **_I will not respond to that question …! Well, at least we know that __**Zoro**__ isn't the Wizard. Actually, Zoro and Merry represent the mouse queen and her people that help to pull the Lion out of that field of flowers, so … XP Hah!_

**Sonicmario: **_I have no idea (lamest answer ever)._

**Nehszriah: **_That's a great goal. –nod nod- Seems that the site's back to normal now, so yay-ness._

**Random Anonymous: **_Okay! I'll do my best!_

**catho: **_Indeed! The "No, it's not" thing was kind of stolen from when Luffy was convincing Chopper to join – he was talking really randomly when he was doing it, and I thought it was hilarious. Well, now that Sanji can burst into flames, I thought it'd be funny before I remembered this version is made of straw, so … Yeah, need to remember that these guys are made of different stuff now. XP Thanks!_

**Sheri-chan: **_:D Aw, thanks!_

**wheathermangohanssj4: **_Actually, it doesn't say whether or not it's Kairouseki, but Luffy and Nami know that the real Sanji wouldn't be happy if they destroyed the lock he's always wanted._

**Irenukia: **_And I love your reviews! Thank you!_

!#$&()+


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